


We Wear The Masks

by TaehaNatsuki



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, F/M, Family Drama, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-18 05:53:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29113338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaehaNatsuki/pseuds/TaehaNatsuki
Summary: Book 2 of the Masks seriesTitans have been found inside The Walls, and now the Scouts have even more questions than answers. With both Levi and Emmryn still recovering, how will they manage the coming hardships? And what about Emmryn's relationship with her older brother, Erwin? Only time will tell.(Yes, I still suck at writing descriptions. Yes, I will update it when I get better at it.)
Relationships: Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Original Character(s), Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Original Female Character(s), Levi/Reader
Kudos: 5





	1. Prologue

  
  
  
**_"The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places."_ **

**_~Ernest Hemingway_ **

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_I was 5 years old when I first discovered my brother's mask._

Up until that point, I was told that my mother had died in childbirth, that she gave her life so that I could have mine. It was a fact that filled me with both guilt and pride, but that was shattered on the day my father was murdered. When Erwin and I had returned home that day from school, the door was wide open. Confused but excited to see what was going on, I had run to the doorway despite Erwin's calls for me to stop. Oh, how I wish I had listened to him.

The scene in front of me was too much for seven-year-old Emmryn Smith to handle. My father lying in a pool of blood, his body beaten almost beyond recognition. There were two Military Police walking into the main room from our kitchen. They claimed to be there to investigate what had happened to my father, but something seemed off about them. One of them had a black eye and both were carrying their guns as if they were preparing to shoot at any point. Tears blurred my vision as I felt my blood boil, my emotions caught in a stalemate between grief and fury.

As I opened my mouth to unleash my suspicions on the two armed men, Erwin cut me off, putting his arm around me in what would appear to be a soothing manner, his tight grip however told another story. He was silently warning me to not say anything.

"Thank you both for investigating this, and I have strong faith that you will bring justice against whoever did this heinous act to our father," Erwin spoke, his voice strong and confident as his grip tightened almost till it was painful on my shoulder, "Now, if you'll please excuse us. My little sister is clearly distraught, and we both need to go find a place to grieve our loss in peace." The two military police nodded and allowed us to leave.

After Erwin took me to a field near our home, but out of sight and earshot of others, he sat on the grass, punching the ground behind him in anger. I looked at him in confusion as tears continued to flow down my cheeks.

"What's going on, big brother? Why happened to Daddy?! Are those men really going to find who did that to him?" I interrogated rapid fire, earning a sigh in frustration from Erwin before he silenced me with an angry glare, standing up and putting both his hands firmly on my shoulders.

"Listen, Emmryn. This is serious. Do NOT ask these questions around anyone else. I'm going to tell you the truth about why mother and father were killed," he stated seriously causing me to gasp in shock at what he had just told me.

"But I thought Mommy died when I was born?" I asked in desperate confusion. All I wanted was to go back to the night before when Daddy was tucking me into bed with stories about the places outside the walls. Erwin gave me a sad, sympathetic smile as he shook his head and continued speaking his voice low and quiet.

"Mother was killed as a warning to father for asking too many questions about the world outside the walls. Father never quit questioning things though. That is why he was murdered," Erwin explained, his tone dead serious as he continued, tears finally starting to shine in his eyes as his voice shook with emotions, "Now, I know you and I are both curious about what exactly is outside these walls, but under no circumstances should you discuss these questions or interests with anyone other than me. Please promise me, Emmryn. I can't lose you too." Erwin refused to break eye contact with me even as his body began shaking and tears flowed from his eyes. I reached up and clumsily wiped them away.

"I promise, big brother. I'm not going anywhere. I want to stay with my big brother forever!" I had agreed enthusiastically through my own tears. At this, Erwin let out a sad chuckle as he pulled me into a tight hug. We sat in that field for hours, crying and holding each other close, desperate for some sort of comfort despite the uncertainty that stood in front of us.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_I was seven years old when I crafted my first mask._

As I walked home from school, eager to see Erwin who was biding his time until he could join the military since he had just finished school, I was grabbed and spun around to come face to face with a woman with a fearful, yet determined look in her eyes.

"Have you ever wondered what lies outside The Walls? I'm sure the world out there is as beautiful as it is dangerous. But what about the titans? I bet their secrets are out there as well -" as the woman continued rambling, she was yanked away from me. In shock, I quickly turned around to see a Military Police officer dragging her into an alleyway.

Despite Erwin's dozens of warning against it, I let my curiosity get the best of me and I followed them. I stifled my gasp as I saw the Military Police officer stab the woman straight through the throat, stifling any scream that she tried to let out. In fear, I turned and ran as quickly as I could in the direction of home. However, I guess my running raised too much suspicion, and a different Military Police officer stopped me.

"Where are you in such a hurry to go, little miss? You look like you've seen a ghost," the man asked suspiciously, despite keeping his questioning deceptively light-hearted. In a split second decision, I crafted and put on a mask that I only hoped would get me out of this alive.

"I-I'm sorry, sir," I stuttered and let tears well up in my eyes as I looked up at the MP with what I hoped were sad eyes, "I got separated from my older brother, and I got scared when I couldn't find him. I-I'm sorry if I caused any trouble." The MP's eyes softened slightly before nodding and slightly ruffling my hair.

"Don't sweat it, kid. Just stay out of trouble, alright? If you run around like that, people will think you're up to no good. Good luck finding your big brother," the man stated somewhat sympathetically before walking off. As soon as the man was out of sight, I walked as quickly and inconspicuously as possible back home before throwing myself into Erwin's arms and breaking into anxious sobs.

As I cried into his chest, Erwin comforted me in telling me that I handled the situation well despite my young age but also reminded me to be much more careful in the future. I nodded in understanding taking in all the advice he gave me for covering any slip ups like that that could happen in the future.

_I was seven years old when I wore my first mask._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  


**A/N: And here it is, the prologue to the sequel of The Masks We Wear. I'm hoping to update this story at least once a week going forward. Also, I took some creative liberty with Erwin's age when his dad died so it doesn't match the anime or manga. That is intentional.**

Hi y'all! Taeha here (Dec 2020). I wanted to let y'all know that I recently started a discord server with friend and fellow author here on wattpad. It's already got bots and games set up for everyone to play and we're hoping it will become a fun and welcoming community in no time! Please check us out at https://discord.gg/ycGhVwFBmz

For a clickable link, just check out my profile!!!


	2. Ch. 1: Pastor Nick

**_"There are as many ways to survive as there are survivors."_ ** **_~Amanda Robb_ **

~~~~~~~~~~~

"Cover that thing up!!! Whatever you do, don't let sunlight hit that thing's face!!!" was the shout that snapped all of us out of silent shock at the view in front of us. There was the face of a titan the same size as Wall Sina revealed through the missing chunk of wall. Turning to the voice, I saw a Wallist priest screaming and being held back by a couple of soldiers as he yelled out desperately for someone to cover the face of the titan. The man looked familiar, but I didn't have the mental capacity to worry about him right now.

"Emmryn, I need you to go check on Erwin while I help sort things out here. Ensure his safety, get his orders, and then report immediately back to me," Levi's stern voice ordered as he looked at me out of the corner of his eye to see me nod robotically. I turned to follow orders before being stopped as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and gave me a quick kiss on forehead and muttering in a low voice that only I could hear.

"And don't stop for any military police. I have a bad feeling that shit is only going to hit the fan worse since Erwin pulled this stunt. Come straight back to me. Today is not the day for you to ignore orders," he muttered, his eyes narrowed as they darted around to make sure nobody was listening. I nodded again, not having the energy to speak at this point as I immediately ran off to find Erwin.

"Commander," I called out in greeting, silently thankful that my voice didn't crack as I approached him seeing as he was still surrounded by MPs. My eyes narrowed as I noticed the cuffs on his wrist. Erwin, of course, appeared as confident and strong as possible. He almost looked like he expected this. Either way, I found myself getting pissed off at seeing my brother in handcuffs like a criminal for saving thousands of people. Yes, we put the people of Stohess at risk, but with the female titan running free, everyone within the walls would be at risk. I turned to a familiar face that saw my expression and immediately looked a bit concerned as my hand twitched towards my knife that was holstered to my thigh. It was a man I was forced to service during my time in the Underground and he looked very nervous after seeing the stunt I pulled earlier when they tried to arrest Erwin.

"Cadet Ackerman," my brother's stern voice called out, snapping me out of what was no doubt a dangerous trip down memory lane, "It's fine. They are going to put me on trial, and I turned myself in willingly. Your orders are to stay with Lance Corporal Levi and follow his and Section Commander Hanji's instructions. Understand?" Our matching clear blue eyes locked, and I recognized the glint in them. It was almost arrogant as though he had already predicted all of this as what he believes would happen next, and frankly, I had a feeling he was right, so despite my concern, I gave him a salute and saluted Nile Dok with a neutral expression.

"Commander Dok, I'd like to remind you that the Commander has a perfectly clean record and should not be treated as criminal until he is declared one by Supreme Commander Zachary," I warned, my voice even and showing little to no emotion while still saluting causing the MPs around him to glare at me and shift their guns till Dok stopped them as he gave me a proud smirk.

"You've grown quite strong it seems, Cadet Emmryn Ackerman. I'll make sure he's treated according to his rank, but suggest to your brother to not take such gambles with the lives of civilians in the future," the Commander responded evenly earning a small wry smile from myself. Dok was a bit of a pansy and an asshole, but I think it was more of his loyalty to the people within the Walls than being a dick just for the sake of it.

"Sorry, Commander Dok, but my brother has never been one to listen to someone else's opinion on his decisions," I admitted, darkly to which I saw Erwin's eyes soften ever so slightly, "However, he's always made his decisions for the betterment of humanity as a whole. He saved the lives of many more than what were lost today. Which is callous and no comfort to the grieving families, but it is the reality we in the Scouts face on a daily basis." At that, I gave one final salute before hurrying back to Levi, knowing that the tensions would only rise if I stayed there any longer and Levi came looking for me.

Sure enough as I made it close to where I had left Levi, I found him standing next to a cart with his arms crossed and his brows slightly furrowed in what looked like annoyance but I recognized as concern. As soon as I reached him, I saw his eyes scan over my body, clearly looking for any new injuries. The whole interaction took only seconds before he grabbed my hand and took me into one of the barracks where he led me to a room and guided me over to the bed there.

"What's the status with Erwin?" Levi asked bluntly, and I felt my fist clench as I remembered how hostile the MPs seemed to be towards him.

"He was cuffed when I left. They are keeping him under surveillance until they can have a meeting with Supreme Commander Zachary. It pisses me off that they're treating him like a damned criminal, but Erwin seemed pretty relaxed and confident about the whole situation," I reported, tugging at the roots of my hair in frustration. Levi nodded at this, before heading into what I could only assume was an attached bathroom. As he got to the door, he looked over his shoulder at me with an eyebrow raised.

"What?"

"Are you coming or not? I need to clean your wounds and change your bandages since you decided to rip your stitches by being reckless earlier," he pointed out nonchalantly, "Plus, you're filthy." I rolled my eyes and shook my head with an amused smile as I stood up and followed him.

"You could just admit you wanted to see me naked," I teased with a wink causing him to turn and face me fully, wrapping an arm around me and pulling him flush against his body.

"If I wanted to see you naked, I would tell you outright. I'm nothing if not a straightforward man, Emmryn," he stated lowly in my ear, his hot breath fanning across my neck before quickly releasing me and backing away to continue to the bathroom where he immediately started the water for a bath.

"Fucking tease," I muttered, my face a nice shade of pink at this point, earning a rare quiet chuckle from the raven haired man in front of me.

After washing ourselves to Levi standards of clean, and making sure my wounds were properly redressed, Levi instructed me to go ahead and take some rest. When I asked him if he'd like to lay down with me, he declined and went to sit at the desk that was in the room, looking over some documents that he had received during my visit to Erwin. His still form at the desk was the last thing I saw as I faded into a light slumber.

When Levi woke me, I noticed the sun was already starting to set, meaning I had slept for nearly 5 hours. He helped me get into some comfortable clothes that would allow me to move without being too tight on my wounds. That meant I was in a simple short-sleeved sky blue button up and a pair of stretchy black leggings that only reached my hips, stopping them from putting any pressure near my injuries while still making it quite easy to move around. I started to tie my hair back out of my face but Levi stopped me.

"It'd be best if you don't stand out right now. I saw the way those MPs looked at you earlier, and it could get even worse with Eyebrows pissing them off even more," he stated bluntly causing me to nod but still a feel bit insecure that maybe he didn't want to be seen with me with my scar showing. As soon as Levi saw the expression on my face, he clicked his tongue in annoyance before gently tucking my hair behind my ear and placing a gentle kiss on my right eye and then another on my scar under it and finally a chaste one on my lips.

"Whatever bullshit insecurities went through your mind, they're just that: Bull shit. You're my wife, and I chose that knowing about that scar and your eye. Yeah, you don't look like a stereotypical proper lady," I glared a bit at him for that one but he kept going, "You look like a fucking survivor. And that makes you way sexier than being one of those boring ass pretty girls." This caused me to smile a bit. Levi was crass and blunt, but that just meant that you knew he meant every word that he said.

After that, I nodded and rearranged my hair to hide my right eye and scar like I used to. As soon as I was done, Levi handed me a handgun to strap onto me before wrapping one of his Survey Corps cloaks around me, since it was a bit bigger than my own and took me to Hanji's office where Moblit was running around telling her to hurry up before they got left behind. On the walk there, Levi informed me that Erwin had been acquitted and the charges against him ended only in Erwin basically receiving a slap on the wrist. This earned a smirk from me. I should have known that the Supreme Commander wouldn't do any more than that. He knew as well as anyone else that wasn't an MP that Erwin was humanity's best chance at fighting back right now. Sure, Eren had titan powers, but Erwin had the charisma and leadership qualities to utilize and make the most of it. Even if that did end up with Erwin coming across as a total heartless prick sometimes.

The part that concerned me the most was when Levi informed me that titans had been spotted within Wall Rose and that the Scouting Legion was heading out to investigate along with the Garrison. After telling Hanji to hurry, she asked about a special guest which confused me. As I followed Levi and Hanji outside, I saw the same cart I found Levi at earlier and was honestly not that surprised to the Shiganshina trio, with Mikasa looking at me with a glare, Armin looking scared, and Eren looking pissed off at the world.

I was so caught up in my own thoughts that I hadn't noticed that Hanji was following behind us with a guest of her own. As Levi first helped me into the carriage before getting in himself, it was then that I locked eyes on none other than a priest of the Walls. My eyes widened as I recognized the man before Hanji even spoke up to introduce him; however, when she did, I felt my blood freeze in my veins as his eyes locked with my one visible one as he got into the carriage and sat beside Levi on the other side.

"Everyone, this is my new pal, Pastor Nick!"  
  
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Song: Control by Halsey


	3. Ch. 2: Flashbacks and Regrets

**A/N: So I hate putting these at the beginning, but I just really need to put a MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING for this chapter. The graphic content includes a description of rape and other dehumanizing actions that are VERY disturbing. Please do not read if you are worried it will make you uncomfortable or that you can't handle it. The trigger warning content starts at** _~Flashback~_ **and ends at** _~Flashback Ends~_ **. It is not required to understand the story, but it does add some additional details as to the torture Emmryn faced in the Underground. Again though, it is GRAPHIC and can be very triggering.** ****

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**_"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it."_ ** ****

**_~Helen Keller_ **

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"Everyone, this is my new pal, Pastor Nick!" Hanji introduced him with an enthusiastic pat on the back, "He and I are thick as thieves!" As soon as I heard his name, my blood froze and I found myself blinking trying to rid my vision of the flashback that was overwhelming my senses and making me unable to focus on what was real around me.

~ _Flashback~_ _  
_ _"Welcome welcome, Pastor Abel, Pastor Nick to our little slice of heaven," Friar Reed's voice dripped like sweet poison from his lips as he brought two men into the room where I as well as three other girls were standing in what could barely be considered clothing._

_"Pastor Abel, why did you bring us to such an unclean place?" a man with short, neat brown hair that was combed over on the top and buzzed on the side asked the other nervously._

_"Relax, Nick. That what you wanted to do right? Word around is that these ladies are the best in the business for helping us to relax," the other man responded with a playful and lustful smirk in my direction, "I've heard that they're pretty sturdy too. We don't even have to hold back." I found myself resisting the urge to spit in the man's face. I had already been punished once this month. I don't think I could handle another week without food._ _  
_ _"Word's right, sirs. These ladies are more than capable of helping a couple of important men like yourself relax," Friar responded suavely, "However, if you leave noticeable marks, I will have to charge ya a bit extra. For 50 pieces of silver extra though, you can do whatever you want as long as you don't kill em."_

_And with those words, one of my worst nights in that hell hole began. Apparently, Pastor Abel was a kinky bastard and wanted to do all of his heinous acts with an audience. Friar, the other girls, and even the other man, Pastor Nick, watched in silence as Abel raped me repeatedly until the space between my legs were burning. But that was only the beginning._ _  
_ _This demon of a man did everything from slapping me during his sexual actions to getting a whip from Friar and leaving open wounds all over my back and stomach. After all of that, he flipped me onto my hands and knees and proceed to sodomize me... As if this all wasn't enough, this bastard ended his little show by urinating all over me, open wounds and all as the others watched._

_As my wounds burned and cried out for help, my eyes met Pastor Nick, who looked completely unbothered, even as I laid there broken on the floor begging for help. As I watched each of them leave one by one, I felt the hope fade from my eyes until finally Pastor Nick paused at the doorway and looked back at me, his eyes hard and unreadable. Hope reignited in me momentarily before being permanently extinguished as the sound of the door falling shut echoed in my mind, and I finally faded into unconsciousness._

_~Flashback Ends~_

"Emmryn," Levi's stern voice snapped me back into reality as I turned to him, my visible eye wide in terror causing Levi to wrap his arm around me and pull my trembling form into him as he glared at Pastor Nick. My raven-haired lover had witnessed more than one of my flashbacks, and he knew that they didn't tend to show up without some kind of trigger. Given the last thing that happened before I spaced out, well, let's just say it didn't take a genius to figure it out, and Levi's intelligence was definitely above average.

"Why the hell is he here?!" Eren demanded to know, and for once, I was thankful for the brunette's loud and reactionary nature. It was allowing me to hear answers to questions I didn't trust myself to ask out loud yet, so instead, I focused my attention on Hanji's answer as I felt Levi's arm remove from around me and go to his gun.

"Well Nick here already knew about the titans in the Walls before Annie chipped the wall in Stohess," Hanji stated bluntly in her typical light and happy tone, but I could hear the anger that lay just underneath her happy-go-lucky mask of hers. Eren Jaeger, however, wouldn't be able to put and keep a mask on if it was cemented to his face.

"What?!?! This bastard knew something and he didn't fucking say anything?!?! He'd better start talking now!" Eren yelled angrily as he stood up in the cart. As if Eren's yell snapped me out of whatever residual terror I was facing following my flashback, I spoke up, my voice much more strong and snarky than even I expected.

"Good luck, Jaeger. The Wallist Priests may act all holier than thou or some shit, but frankly, these bastards are the worst kind of people. They don't have a conscious that compels them to stop any heinous actions they may see, all with the supposed moral superiority of all of their decisions being for the greater good or some shit," I responded bluntly, causing Pastor Nick to lean forward to see me, his eyes widening in shock as he finally seemed to realize who I was as I gave him an evil smirk brush my hair that covered my scarred eye back ever so quickly causing him to gasp in shock, "Surprise surprise, mother fucker."

The cart was silent as the Shiganshina stared at me in shock at my words. Even Mikasa's usually stoic expression had molded into one of shock momentarily. The silence continue for a couple of moments until it was broken by the sound of gun being cocked as I felt Levi's arm move beside me underneath his cloak.

"Well, there's more than one way to get answers out of him. I may not be in top fighting shape right now, but it doesn't take much effort to pull a trigger," Levi stated in a matter of fact voice before his voice darkened ever so slightly in obvious anger, "Especially when the barrel is pointed at a bastard who did nothing to prevent multiple girls, including my wife, from being raped."

"Threatening him with his life doesn't work, Levi. Trust me. I've already tried, but with this new information about Emmryn, to be honest I wouldn't mind trying again," Hanji responded, frustration showing through her usually light and happy voice.

"W-wait! I wanted to -" Pastor Nick started but I cut him off as I stood up and towered over him, fury showing in my visible blue eye, my own gun cocked and pointed at him from under my cloak so it was only visible to him, Hanji, and Levi.

"Listen, bastard. If you think for a single fucking second of saying that you wanted to step in, I will torture you for answers and then blow your brains out myself. If you really wanted to step in to help me, you fucking would have, but you didn't. I had to endure that hell for 3 more years after that and had to be tortured within an inch of my life in order to escape with help from no one but myself," I snarled, white hot fury melting the ice in my veins as I uncocked my pistol and placed it back in its holster, "But, my commanding officers seem intent on keeping you alive, so I'll force myself to be content with letting hell torture you when you get there." And with that I returned to my space beside Levi, the other members of the cart stunned into silence.

After a while, Levi broke the silence by commenting on Hanji playing with some rock that was apparently a piece that broke off that crystal that surrounded Annie. That piqued my interest. She informed all of us that she compared it to a sample from the Wall and they were a perfect match structurally. That was where she came up with the idea of having Eren figure out how to do the same hardening thing with his own titan which he was unsure he could do. After Levi's comment saying that Eren didn't have a choice, I spoke up what had gone through my mind since they brought up that the piece had broken off of Annie's crystal.

"So that means the crystal is not indestructible right?" I questioned for clarification earning a nervous look from Armin as he realized where I was going with this.

"Emmryn, you're not thinking about -" he started but I cut him off.

"I am. If it's not indestructible, I'm wondering if we can find the weak points in it. Because chances are, the armored titan probably has the same hardening but on multiple parts of his body. We have no chances of defeating it without that information," I pointed out to which Levi immediately interjected.

"Way too fucking risky, especially since we don't know the skill level of whoever the hell is controlling it," he dismissed my idea outright, earning a glare from me that he met with a protective one of his own.

"Um... Actually, about that... I actually have a pretty good idea of who they may be."

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Song: Why Worry by Set It Off

**A/N: So I should probably say that especially from now on, there will be major spoilers from Seasons 2 and 3 of Attack on Titan. You have been warned. :) Again, thanks for all the support!** ****


	4. Ch.3: Instability

**_"Extinction is the rule. Survival is the exception."_ ** ****

**_~Carl Sagan_ ** **_  
_ ** ****

\-----------------------------

"Um... Actually, about that... I actually have a pretty good idea of who they may be," Hanji interrupted as she pulled a set of papers out of her cloak, "These are the files for two members of the 104th that I requested for after we began to suspect that Annie Leonhart was the female titan." This piqued my interest as Armin asked what we were all thinking.

"Who did you get files on?" he asked in confusion before his eyes widened, an expression that crossed his face when he had a bad suspicion.

"There were two cadets that are supposedly from the same town as Annie," Hanji stated plainly before saying the names of two men that I was not particularly surprised to hear, "Reiner Braun and Bertholdt Hoover." At that, Eren jumped up and, of course, started yelling about how ridiculous that was.

This led to a conversation between the Shiganshina trio and Hanji. I listened silently as I was shocked to hear Armin say that Reiner was very interested in knowing Eren's location during the Expedition where the female titan attacked. And after he, Armin, and Jean were attacked, Reiner had apparently barely escaped the female titan. Afterwards, the female titan looked at her hand and then ran in the direction of the position Armin had guessed Eren was in. When this was explained, I felt my blood began to boil.

"So my friends died because you couldn't tell when someone was acting that fucking suspicious?!" I demanded angrily, "You heard Reiner ask me countless times about the inner workings of the Scouts during training. Do you ever recall me telling him anything? No! Because that shit was suspicious as fuck!"

Was I being irrational and emotional? Probably. Did I care at the moment? Hell no! So much had happened in the past few months, and I was tired. Tired of the grief. Tired of the pain. Tired of the betrayals that seemed to be coming from every inch of the goddamn Walls! The squad that I had worked through so much shit with, the people who I had grown to love and respect and had grown to respect me despite my past, were gone in the blink of an eye. And I never even got to thank them for everything or to say goodbye. Not to mention, I had to be reminded of one of my worst experiences from my time in the Underground... I was on the verge of losing it.

A warm, calloused hand grasped onto mine, intertwining our fingers and giving my hand a firm squeeze, surprising me and causing me to snap out of my funk as I looked to my right to see Levi staring at me with a hard expression, but concern showing in his steely eyes. I pursed my lips as I tried to calm myself down or at least fake that I was okay. As hard as this all had been on me, Levi had had it just as bad if not worse. It wasn't fair for me to burden him more with a mental breakdown right now.

"Hey, Emmryn! What the hell gives you the right to act like such a bitch to Armin?!" Eren snapped at me earning a harsh glare from me, "At least he was there! You were too busy getting taken down by some untrained scumbags! You may have went through some tough shit, but the get the hell over it! It doesn't give you a right to act like such a distrusting bitch!" At that, I felt Levi's grip on my hand tighten in a way that was almost painful, letting me know that he was nearing his limit with his patience. I decided to speak up before this got any worse. If Levi got involved, this situation would only deteriorate further.

"Eren, call me what you'd like. Say what you'd like about my past. I really no longer give a shit, but me being a distrusting bitch as you say, isn't going to hurt anyone. How many more of our comrades have to die before you're willing to risk hurting someone's feelings to save them? Or our lives that expendable to you?" I responded, my voice even, despite the fury that my words held, "I've always respected you, Eren, from the moment we met in the Training Corps. Sure, I thought your hard on for killing titans was a little odd, but I could see where you were coming from. I want to be able to put my life on the line to protect you, but I won't be able to do that unless I know that you are aware of just how much is resting on your shoulders."

At that, the Shiganshina Trio stared at me in a stunned silence. I had never talked that much around them at the Training Corps, so they were rightfully shocked that I said so much at once. Armin was the first to speak.

"Emmryn, I'm sorry for the loss you faced on that expedition and my role in it, but you need to follow your own advice and control your emotions on all of this. Snapping at Eren or Pastor Nick is not going to bring anyone back or fix anything," he stated, his stare intense and unwavering for a moment, but as the silence grew, his expression started to get more nervous. I saw Eren staring at Armin in shock, and Mikasa glaring at me. I couldn't help but let out a small puff of a laugh causing them all to look at me like I was crazy. Maybe I was. Hell if I knew at this point.

"I was wrong about you, Armin. You really do have a pair big enough to talk back to me when I'm feeling a bit unstable and carrying a gun," at that I saw him gulp, but I gave him a reassuring smile, "I respect that a lot, and you had a great point. I'll keep that in mind from here on out. The Scouts only have room for one overzealous hothead, and I do believe that that position is already taken, eh Eren?" At that Eren looked at me distrustingly before letting out an irritated sigh before smirking at me.

"Alright. Fine. I'll let it go this time, but I still think you all are crazy for suspecting Bertholdt and Reiner," he stated bluntly, before I shrugged and leaned against Levi's shoulder briefly closing my eyes and breathing in his familiar smell of tea and soap.

"Only time will tell Eren. If I'm being honest, I can only hope that you're right this time."  
  
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Song: Control by Halsey


	5. Ch. 4: Forgiveness (Sort Of)

**_"To understand somebody else as a human being, I think,_ ** ****

**_is about as close to real forgiveness as one can get."_ ** ****

**_~David Small_ ** ****

\-----Levi's POV-----  
  
Following the confrontation between the titan brat and Emmryn, I found myself a bit more concerned than usual. Emmryn was acting a bit more hotheaded and reactionary than usual, a trait that tended to be deadly in our line of work. At the same time, the haunted look in her eyes when she saw Pastor Nick had me wanting nothing more than to hide her away someplace to safe. It was a staunch reminder that the hells she had already faced were not just at hands of titans but at the hands of the very people she was being forced to risk her life for. There wasn't much I could do about it, but it was easy to forget at times considering how well she handled all of it, especially compared to when I first met her.

As we reached the stopping point of our carriage in Ehrmich, I kept my gun pointed under my cloak directly at Pastor Nick. The realization and guilt that passed through his aged features did not go unnoticed by Emmryn or myself. Not wanting Emmryn to further bring attention to herself, a feat that was becoming a bit difficult with her dark copper hair that didn't seem to want to stay over her eye today, I spoke up.

"Don't try and help them now," I stated callously, "Considering you won't even give us the information that could prevent this from happening again, or could have potentially prevented this shit happening in the first place." I heard him swallow, and his face steeled.

"I'm doing what I must for the good of the world," he said, unmoving in his convictions.

"Then, don't you dare think of helping them or even attempting to comfort them," Emmryn interjected, her tone surprisingly low and even, "You've fucked up beyond repair with me, Pastor Nick, but you still have a chance to help those here. Don't make yourself live with guilt like that twice. Some of these people will end up in the exact same position I was forced to be in."

At that, the priest cracked, not completely, but it was clear that Emmryn's words had had their desired effect. Based on the tensing of the shoulders of the three soldiers from Shiganshina, they no doubt were surprised by her tact, a distinct difference from her manner of speaking earlier. It didn't surprise me entirely. She was a Smith by blood after all. Her brother and her may not look that much alike, but if there was one thing that was uncanny was their ability to manipulate a situation. Their skill with words was unlike anything I had seen from anyone else. From this crack flowed a critical piece of information.

"Historia Reiss," Pastor Nick said at a tone just loud enough that our small group could hear when we stopped walking at the agreed meeting spot, "I heard she is a soldier now from the 104th Training Corps. Rumor has it that she joined the Survey Corps. She's the true heir to the thrown of the Walls." I looked to Emmryn who shook her head, telling me that there was no one of that name in the 104th.

"There was no one in our training with that name!" Eren said to which Pastor Nick nodded.

"It would have been foolish for her to use her real name. She adapted a fake name to avoid detection. Her fake name would be Christa Lenz," Pastor Nick revealed causing shocked looks from Mikasa, Eren, Armin, and even Emmryn. The latter two quickly recovered and realized the other issue with that.

"She's with the rest of the 104th," Emmryn stated and was fixing to explain the issue when a Scout from Mike's squad came running towards us, a panicked expression that could only mean trouble in her eyes.

"Lance Corporal Levi, Section Commander Hanji! There's an emergency! There's been a breach in Wall Rose!" The soldier told us, her voice quiet as to not alert the people around us, "Commander Erwin has ordered that all of you report to the south gate of Wall Seena immediately!" At this, all of us geared up and jumped on our horses, Hanji staying behind saying that she would find a safe place for Pastor Nick. Before getting on my horse, Emmryn looked up at Pastor Nick one more time.

"Pastor Nick, I may never forgive you, but I do thank you for seeing the worth of other peoples' lives. No one is beyond redemption I suppose. So this is a salute of thanks on behalf of those who are being saved from the fate that I suffered," she stated calmly before saluting and getting on top of my horse with me. She was still a bit too injured and bad at following orders to ride on her own at the moment.

"You alright, Ackerman?" I asked in what sounded like a monotone, but the truth was, I was concerned. The other soldiers didn't need to hear that right now. It wasn't like her to salute someone she didn't respect, especially someone who looked the other way to her torture.

"I have a bad feeling Levi. Not just about the fact that the wall was breached," she admitted quietly as she wrapped her arms snugly around my waist and laid her cheek on my back, "I just have this terrible feeling that the more we find out, the uglier and more hellish this life of ours is going to become." I clicked my tongue at that.

"Then, we'll just get tougher," I responded firmly, "We're soldiers, Emmryn. Our lives are destined for hell and bloodshed." Hearing her disheartened sigh, I put a hand reassuringly over hers that was around my stomach, applying a bit of pressure in comfort and playing with the thin gold band on her left hand.

"But we're also married," I added softly so no one else could hear me, "Which means we're gonna face all that bullshit together." Her low chuckle sent vibrations up my back.

"Has anyone ever told you that your pep talks suck, Levi?" she asked, a teasing lilt in her voice.

"No one else has ever had the balls to," I responded back with a joking glare back in her direction.

"Did you just accuse me of having balls, Lance Corporal Levi?" she teased back, her voice switching to an imitation of the privileged women we had seen around Wall Seena, "If I was a proper lady, I would be mightily offended." I chuckled at that.

"Good thing I didn't marry a proper lady," I replied. The only reply I got was a small chuckle from the beautiful woman behind me as she rested her weight against me, and we enjoyed the steady feeling and sounds of galloping horses as we made our way to the meeting spot.

When we reached the southern gate of Wall Seena, I was unsurprised to see most of the Survey Corps lined up in formation. Our group rode up to Erwin who looked as calm as ever. Immediately, his eyes darted to Emmryn as he got off of his horse and held out a hand to her. Stubborn as ever, the copper-haired woman got off the horse herself, hiding the slight flinch at the jostling of her injuries fairly well.

"What do you want, Commander?" she asked bluntly.

"I need to speak with you privately, Emmryn," he responded just as bluntly. I glared at him. How dare he ask to talk to her privately after all of his bullshit using her as bait! Few things got under my skin after all the shit I'd been through in my life, but Erwin wanting to act like he has any closeness to her was definitely on that list. Also going on that list was Emmryn fucking agreeing after all of his bullshit.

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Song: Play with Fire by Sam Tinnesz  
  
 **Special thanks to all of the writers from Fan_Fictopia for their love and support during what is quickly becoming one of the most difficult times in my life. Long story short, I am now a single mom and am having to learn how to recover after my own fight against domestic abuse. This is where I've been. I'll probably post about it on my profile for those that are wanting an update.**


	6. Ch. 5: Forgiveness

**_"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is  
_ ** **_the attribute of the song."  
_ ** **_~Mahatma Gandhi_ **

\----Emmryn's POV----

"Fine," I agreed, causing Erwin to raise an eyebrow in surprise but led me a bit away as I felt the burning glare of my husband on my back.

"Em," Erwin stated calmly to which I quickly cut him off.

"I'm still pissed at you, Erwin. You used me as **fucking bait** for my rapist and the man that sold me as a prostitute for years," I said with a glare.

"I understand you hating me for that," he responded as he closed his eyes, a pained expression flashing across his usually confidence face, "But just know, I did it in the interest of getting them executed or at least a prison sentence that would stick. I had no intention of actually letting you get hurt." I rolled my eyes at this but my glare softened.

"How about next time you fill me in on said fucking plan hm? I'm not against being put at risk, but fucking give me information Erwin! I'm your younger sister, not just a soldier. I'm not asking you protect me or choose me over anyone else. I'm asking you to give me information, so I can help with your crazy ass plans by more than just playing the goddamn victim!" I snapped before softening again with a sigh, "I hate you a lot of the time, Erwin."

"So you've told me," he replied with a nod, sensing that there was more to that thought than I had said. I sighed again, the bad feeling building in my gut. Our matching blue eyes met as I admitted something that I didn't think I would after he used me as bait.

"I may hate you, or more so, your lack of regard for my well-being. I wanted you to be an older brother you are no longer in a position to be," I said, "I promised I wouldn't forgive after your last gambling stunt with my life and well-being, but if you come back alive from fixing this breach... I promise I'll forgive you." By the end of my statement, despite our eyes meeting, I found myself feeling smaller and smaller compared to Erwin. For a moment, I could almost see the Erwin from my childhood, and when he opened his arms for a hug with a hopeful smile, I couldn't help myself. With a roll of my eyes, I accepted a hug from my older brother, letting myself for a moment feel like he was strong enough to fight off all the bad in the walls, the same feeling I had when we were kids.

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Following my conversation with Erwin, he commanded Levi and I to stay back, while Eren, Mikasa, and Armin were to go ahead with the first group to help investigate what was going on. Despite both Levi and I not wanting to stand back, we knew we had to. We were both injured. Us going would only be a hindrance to the mission at this point. Our orders were simple: Stay back and recover. None of us knew what battles we had incoming at this point.

"Stop pacing for fucks sake, Em. We're both supposed to be taking it easy," Levi complained as I continued pacing in the lodging we had been put in just inside the gate of Wall Seena. At his words, I stopped for a moment with a grimace.

"Look, Levi. I just have a really bad feeling. Like worse than that day that Trost was attacked," I admitted. He clicked his tongue in annoyance before motioning for me to come to him. Knowing that his ankle is what was injured, I complied, allowing him to gently set me on his lap as he held me, careful of my own injuries.

"I know you're uneasy, Em. I am too," he admitted resting his face on my shoulder, near my neck, "But there's not a goddamn thing we can do right now. Eyebrows was right. We're injured and need to recover if we want to be able to best fight." I sighed raising a hand to run my fingers through his short raven hair and across his undercut, knowing that he found this comforting. That's right. The weakness of humanity's strongest shoulder was having fingers run through his hair.

"I love you," I murmured as I placed a kiss a on his head, earning a soft kiss on my neck.

"Love you too, Emmryn," he said softly. Neither of us were feeling well about the current situation, but at least, we weren't alone. Taking comfort in that, both of us decided to lay down and take some rest like Erwin had suggested.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We were awoken to a banging on our door. Levi and I both jumped up and got out of bed, me grabbing a handgun and Levi going to cautiously open the door, a knife in his hand. When he opened the door, a soldier came running through looking absolutely frantic.

"Lance Corporal Levi, Eren Jaeger was kidnapped by the Armored and Colossal titans, but the Survey Corps led by Commander Erwin Smith was able to retrieve him!" the soldier announced before continuing, "However, both the armored and colossal titans escaped along with Ymir Fritz, who apparently was a human that could transform into a titan as well. That being said, the rescue mission was a success."

"At ease, soldier, where the hell are Shitty Glasses and Eyebrows?" Levi demanded. At that, I saw the soldier freeze as their eyes flitted between Levi and I.

"Section Commander Hanji was injured when Eren was kidnapped, but she is recovering well," the soldier stated before swallowing, "Commander Erwin was injured badly during the rescue mission."

"How badly?" the words were asked in a voice that I didn't recognize as my own. It sounded way too frail. Way too scared. The soldier looked at me with a expression I knew all too well: pity.

"Where is the commander?" Levi asked stepping in with a quick look in my direction.

"Um... He is currently being treated in the nearby military hospital. I'm not sure they'll let you see him right now," the soldier admitted. At that, I snapped. Before I knew it, I had a hold of the male soldier by the collar pulling him down to my height, the fury in my eyes no doubt evident.

"Now would be a great fucking time for you to tell me which nearby military hospital my fucking older brother is at and what exactly you fucking mean by a severe injury," my voice sounded unhinged even to me. This was too much. We lost our whole squad not long ago. I could not lose Erwin too.

A firm hand landed on my shoulder, almost snapping me out of my borderlining psychotic rage. Feeling more and more numb the longer my fury was left unfed, my grip on the soldier's collar loosened until it fell out of my hands.

"Commander Erwin lost his right arm to a titan in the attack," the soldier admitted, "he's at the hospital two blocks from here." At those words, I pushed past the soldier, ignoring the protests from Levi behind me, no doubt ordering me to wait for him.

My dash to the hospital passed in a blur as I refused to shed a tear for someone who was not gone. I needed to see him, make sure he was okay, because as long as he was alive, our family hadn't broken forever. It was still mend-able, fucked up as all hell, but it still fucking existed. As I burst through the doors of the hospital, while the staff looked shocked at first, it would seem that a couple of the Survey Corps soldiers seeking treatment for smaller injuries were able to fill them in on who I was.

Without much difficulty I made it to the room where Erwin was and quickly opened the door without even trying to brace myself for what I would see. Despite being told point blank what his injury was, it was still a shock to me. One of the same arms that had made me feel safe less than a day prior was missing, a bloody bandage in its place. As he laid there looking surprisingly peaceful for someone who had just lost an arm, even if he was asleep, I made my way to his side where there was a chair and sat down grasping his remaining hand.

"You know, Erwin, next time I'll be more specific when I make conditions for you on these damn missions," I said sarcastically to the otherwise empty room, as tears began to fill up in my eyes, "You just barely earned your forgiveness you gambling jackass."

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Song: Claim Your Weapons by Christian Reindl ft. Atrel


	7. Ch. 6: Man or Monster

**_"Courage is not the absence of fear,_ ** ****

**_but rather the judgment that something else_ ** ****

**_is more important than fear."_ ** ****

**_~Ambrose Redmoon_ ** ****

\-----Levi's POV----

After Emmryn ran off to Eyebrow's room, I dismissed the soldier who had been sent to notify us and headed there myself. Despite my concern, I didn't push myself too much. This wasn't life or death and there would probably be a time soon where it would, and I needed to give my foot as much time as possible to heal.

When I reached the room, Emmryn had a firm grasp on Erwin's remaining hand looking like she had been through a tornado on her way there. Her eyes stared unseeing at the bandages where Erwin's right arm had been. The overall effect was rather haunting, but I suppose I'd let it go. Sighing in frustration at my absolute powerlessness to help her or protect the people that either of us cared dearly for, I settled for gently smoothing her mussed short hair, causing her left eye to focus on me. Her black and white blinded right eye as well as the long scar that marred her porcelain skin.

"He's going to make it," she said softly, her words holding a vulnerable conviction that I hadn't quite witnessed from her. I nodded in agreement, placing a light kiss on the crown of her head.

"Of course he is," I said with a click of my tongue, "He's Erwin Smith. That man doesn't have a complacent bone in his goddamned body." That earned a weak laugh from my copper haired wife.

"Thank you, Levi," she whispered as she gripped his remaining hand in both of hers tighter. It was then that I saw the tears start to fall onto her brother's large and calloused hand. There were very few times I had witnessed Emmryn cry. She was not the type to let tears out so easily. All the loss lately had finally gotten to her. Not being able to say anything that would fix any of the events that had this stubborn and strong woman, I simply pulled a chair up beside her and placed my hand on her leg in silent support.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hm...?" Erwin's tired groan caught my attention as I quickly darted my steel gray eyes in his direction. He had been in and out for a couple of days, but when he had been conscious, he had been delirious from the pain and the no doubt concussion he had from falling from the titans mouth after severing his own arm to save his life.

This time was not like the others though, he blinked a couple of times, his eyes clear and alert as he noticed Emmryn's death grip on his remaining hand as she snored softly. She had barely slept since Erwin had returned. It took Hanji and I both pulling rank to get her to do simple things like eat and take fucking baths. As Erwin looked down at Emmryn, an uncharacteristically soft and serene smile fell across his features. I clicked my tongue at this. It still annoyed me that she was so quick to forgive him after he almost got her killed.

"I'm sorry that I used her as bait, Levi," Erwin stated, his gaze much more stoic as he looked at me. I met his gaze with a glare and a roll of my eyes.

"Wrong person to apologize to, Eyebrows," I responded bluntly, my eyes darting back to Emmryn who was starting to stir. Erwin hummed in response as he removed his hand from the small woman's grasp and gently stroked her hair. This startled Emmryn awake, causing her to jump and smile in relief when she saw Erwin's clear gaze.

"Emmryn, I'm sorry-" **_SLAP!_** At that, I had to hold back a chuckle. Emmryn is one of the only people I know that would slap the commander of an entire branch of the military only minutes after he was conscious enough to be sure she did it. However, the small smile that his face morphed into when she then tackled him into a hug with relieved sobs as he hugged her with his arm let me know that he didn't see it that way at all.

"I told you to be careful, you absolute jerk!" she sobbed quietly, "When I said alive, I meant in one piece, Erry, you stupid shit head!" Her smaller hands balled into fists as she punched his chests softly a couple of times, earning a chuckle from Erwin.

"I'm sorry, Em. Though I gotta say, it might have been worth it to hear you call me that nickname again. It's been nearly 15 years since I've heard that one," he teased, his voice steady but I saw it. A couple of tears escaped the eyes of the commander as well. Though I had a much different opinion on the nickname. It was honestly something I was going to repeat to Shitty Glasses just so I could see her make fun of Erwin for it.

"Alright, well Erry, you've missed out on a lot of information!" speak of the she-devil herself. I had been so focused on the two siblings that I hadn't even noticed the door open revealing Hanji and a short, bald kid from the 104th I believe was named Connie or something.

At their entrance, the Smiths ceased their embrace, but Emmryn remained close to him though she did move to where she was almost within arms reach of me. I'm glad because after everything that's happened, I prefer to keep her a bit closer to me when I'm able to. Protecting her forever or even for much longer is not a guaranteed option, so for now, I simply would when I was able to. The information that was spilled at that point in that recovery room wrecked me to my core.

"You mean we've been killing humans this whole time?" I demanded to know. My eyes darted to Emmryn who looked a bit shell-shocked. To be honest, I wasn't sure how much more Emmryn's mind could take, but she didn't have a choice. We had to keep moving forward. That's what soldiers do.

"It's very likely," Hanji admitted, for once not sounding ecstatic about a discovery about titans. What disturbed me the most was the expression I saw on Erwin's face. Noticing the oddly unhinged smile on his now scruffy face, my body moved on instinct, wrapping my arm protectively around Emmryn's waist and pulling her closer to me, an action that seemed to snap her out of stupor as she immediately gripped the fabric of my shirt to ground herself, letting herself lean into me slightly before standing up straight, a determined but perturbed expression on her face. All of this happened in an instant, and at the end of this instant, I felt myself glaring at Erwin for what felt like the 100th time since Emmryn returned from training as the next words came from my mouth, ringing out through the wide room like a gong.

"Why the hell do you look so fucking happy, Erwin?"

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Song: Man or Monster by Sam Tinnesz & Zayde Wolf

**A/N: So I didn't write out the scene with Connie and Hanji explaining what happened in Ragako. Call me lazy but rewriting the exact events from the anime/manga is exhausting and honestly just no fun to do. This is an AOT fanfiction so I'm assuming that those reading are aware of most of the major events from the show. The important parts were the reactions of Emmryn, Erwin, and Levi which I obviously included. If the skip bothers you, I apologize that it bothers you, but I won't promise that it won't happen again. I'm still trying to motivate myself to even write this story because I know there are a good number of amazing readers that have been patiently waiting for updates on it. <3 Anyways, I love yall and thank you so much for reading! :D**


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